From Ana

Why cant you understand? I wish you would listen. Remember i'm GOOD. I'm the good guy here. I LOVE you. More than anyone. More than your parents... More than your Ashley. How did you feel when your dad was so proud of you because you were finally trying to take control? You disappointed him by being such a grotesque pig. He'd happily buy you brand new size 0 jeans. Not a size 10!!.. You make me sick. You have no self control. But dont worry, We'll fix that and you'll thank me for it. Now go get rid of some of that fat on your body.
Ana
xx

I have two job interviews, one of them is completely perfect. Its at a hardware store about a mile away, so in order to even get to work i have to bike or run a mile to get there. Plus, work always keeps me from eating. Hooray. Hooray.

"I don't need them anymore..."

I'm almost 18, I dont need my parents to tell me what to do.
They betrayed me, I dont need my friends to tell me how to be.
She cheated, I dont need her love anymore.
I just need me, those beautiful bones about to shine through, and those scars on my wrist that remind me never to go back to this misery..

xx

Numb

Numb with fattness that is. Its like its sucked the life out of me. I want to feel again. To feel the hunger pains clawing at my stomach, the high after you haven't aten for days, it makes you feel like you can fly, fly, fly.
Dear Ana, come back to me. Make me pretty. Make me feel. You are my secret weapon for success. This time, i wont fail you.
xx

Been a while...

I haven't gained.. but i sure as hell haven't lost.. in these past few months of misery.

I'm going to be better now. I dont need anyone. Anyone but Ana. I'm pretty sure I've completely lost my mind but i've never felt so right.

Welcome back, back to the road to perfection. This is all you have, so take it and run.

-Gabie

Birthday Tomorrow. ++ Kiera Knightly thinspo

Emily's bringing me cookies. Cake tonight to celebrate with dad. Cake tomorrow cuz its my actual birthday. Cake next week to celebrate with mom. FUUUUUUUUU-duge. just kidding. i'm giving up swearing for lent. i wish i could give up food. but somehow i dont think thats gonna work out so great.

Some Kiera Knightly thinspo. i think she's amazingly beautiful.

yup.

Its been forever since i blogged. Pathetic. I'm down to about 133. I've been staying around there the past few weeks. Alots been going on. I finally realized i have no idea what i'm going to do with my life. Yeah i wanna be a doctor, but then i got my transcript back today. my overall gpa is a fucking 2.677. thats a B-. thats not going to get me into colleges. Yeah, last year was bad but i'm just making excuses. truth is, im a fat. lazy. undeserving person. undeserving of everything that life has to offer. undeserving of my family, undeserving of my girlfriend, undeserving of my friends, which i've began to lose already anyways. for my birthday i asked for a membership to the ymca, yayy :] so hopefully i get that instead. its under $20 i think. cuz i'm still a student. anywho, enough rambling for now. birthday on the 19th. i 'm gonna be 17 :]] yayyyyy.

Epic Fail

Sorry its been a while.. finals. i haven't had time for anything but. they lost ALL my grades, the entire school system shut down. and the idiots of the school board cant get them back. i mean seriously? who puts the back up... ON THE SAME SYSTEM?!?!?!?! hellooo?? somebody forgot their wheaties. hah.

i've maintained my weight at 133. with finals and all i have to eat. but i'm starting a new ritual. i need a routiene. soo i've come up with.. wake up, weigh in, coffee, school, no lunch, get home, sleep until supper (which im forced to eat) CONTROL MYSELF DURING THAT SUPPER!!.. homework, then my pilates dvd :D yaya! i love that thing its so fun. then shower, then bed. i'm going to try to limit my weighing to once a day, in the morning so i dont freak myself out like i usually do. i've been under so much stress. its insane.
i missed you guys!!
xx